Brian Roberts Robs Seattle

The Seattle Marienr's JJ Putz looked unhitable going into the All Star game sporting a silly stat line reserved for Xbox; .88 ERA for 24 saves, 44 Ks and a mere 7 walks. Putz was pitching with 2 down in the bottom of 9th last night in the '07 All Star game when a ground ball squirts to Oriole second baseman Brian Roberts. Mariner fans began to celebrate their lone pitching All Star Putz, he had secured home field advantage for the AL, what an amazing save the Mariner's stole the show! Roberts then ponders his piss poor nickname: B-Rob and fails to make the routine play. JJ Putz, MVP Ichiro, Mariner fans, Cal Ripken Jr every self respecting Oriole fan hangs their head in shame. So I ask, When else has Roberts failed America?


When not practicing poor defense on the baseball field Brian Roberts practices poor national defense. Pictured here in 2001, Roberts was a key military advisor to the Bush White House during the decision to go to war against Iraq.

Brian Roberts effects the city of Seattle everyday. Robert's convinced Mayor Greg Nickels to make each and every decision you DO NOT like. Hate the Mayor's Alaskan way viaduct debate? Blame Roberts. The Mayor's stance on Belltown's nightlife? Yep, Roberts too. Brian Roberts taught Nickel's son how to cheat at cards. If you ever see Brian Roberts, don't yell or curse just give him 5 bucks and tell him to go ride our non-existent public transit system.